Today’s Wicked Wednesday prompt, brought to us by the amazing Rebel, Holding hands

Yes that is me, yes that is my spouse of 25 years this year. Yes I took the photo, and dammit I miss that. Yet another side of me that slid into the background after my mom passed and after the wreck that changed everything for us. A lot can happen in 8 years, I have been out of the erotica blogging world for that long. Sometimes it seems as if it was yesterday and others it seems like 3 lifetimes ago. I miss days like this one, when we could go somewhere and do something like this and him not hurt for days afterward. I miss sex, in all of its forms, not because I don’t want it, God I want it, but because a fucked back for him did nerve damage to areas that can’t be fixed with a pill or surgery. Add in the mix of medications to just do basics on the daily and libido disappears. It is what it is and it sucks. So I write, and I daydream, and I miss… all of it. There comes a time when even the best toy isn’t enough. When the loss of the intimacy and the human connection is the far greater need, when it becomes the seemingly elusive unicorn. You know you have experienced it but now it seems to have never existed. There are other options, like a playmate. I have looked, but I am the kind of person that I want more than a fling or a fuck friend. I want a connection that means they come hang out just to have a beer and dinner and maybe get their ass stomped playing cards. They aren’t looking just to get laid, but a connection that if you have a rough day I have your back, even if it is just a broad shoulder and listening ear. But most of all one who won’t shame my spouse for his injuries that left him unable to fill those other needs. If you disrespect him, you damn sure disrespect me and that will get you an ass whooping. I might desire to be submissive in the bedroom but bet your ass that ends at the door. I will hurt someone over my family. Let me rephrase that, my husband, my kids and a couple of cousins, the rest of them they are on their own.

Not sure this was where I intended to go with this but it went where it went. Now I have an article to write for a local paper about autism, another facet of my life with my youngest. Go check out the other linkers. Sorry this wasn’t my usual fare but I don’t know scrolling through images to put with this piece kind of left me melancholy for some things..


  1. Marie Rebelle on March 20, 2019 at 1:26 pm

    Thank you for sharing something so personal. I know exactly what you mean with having a fuck buddy. I too need connection, and can’t be with someone who might look down on my husband because of his increasing disability. I would hate if there was even just a notion that they might think they are ‘better’ than he is. Which means I don’t go out looking for someone, but just accepts that my life is what it is and we will find our way through it, somehow.

    Rebel xox

  2. The barefoot sub on March 20, 2019 at 7:37 pm

    “There comes a time when even the best toy isn’t enough.”
    My situation is different, but I relate to this statement entirely.

  3. twistedbubbles on March 21, 2019 at 10:46 am

    It is a vicious, sometimes emotionally charged circle isn’t it? The man who hit us walked away with not a scratch. If I were to ever see him again I can promise that encounter would not end the same for him.

  4. twistedbubbles on March 21, 2019 at 10:57 am

    They can’t feel like warm skin, or measured breaths, a gentle moan or a barked demand. World of difference.

  5. Posy Churchgate on March 23, 2019 at 12:38 pm

    You have to do you – and sometimes that isn’t the sexy banter and the brave face – I hope it was cathartic to share. The honesty here was refreshing although the subject matter was sad but your strength showed through as did your love, respect and determination. Great post – thanks for sharing.